Divinity
by MageRightsActivist
Summary: Homestuck AU fiction in which the scratch never happened and Earth's reckoning hasn't occured. The trolls rule over the new universe as gods, some are enthusiastic - others would rather leave it all alone, but have little choice. Dave, Jade, John and Rose as the new high priests of the four must work together in order to bring peace to a world preoccupied with its origins. DaveKat
1. Dave

According to the current Earth calendar, today was the thirteenth day in April, an important day for a multitude of reasons. It was the coming of age day of a particular individual, and with that came the inauguration of the new Priests of the Four.

The Priests of the Four were the highest echelon of the clergy. Their role was to commune directly with the gods and relay their desires and guidance onto the populace. In order to correctly convey the importance of the Four it is necessary to explain the pantheons of divinity.

When the human race was created and the universe was born, the beings who created it - a race of aliens from a planet named Alterina - presided over their children as givers of guidance and knowledge. They taught primitive humans how to use the planet's resources to further their development and brought levels of technology that were thought science fiction. Eventually, however, infighting between the trolls themselves caused them to lose interest in most of their subjects and the humans - who had become complacent and lazy - made no efforts to improve their own technology, as they didn't even understand what they already had. It was decided that somehow the connection with the gods needed to be re-established, and so the first churches nominated the original Priests of the Four.

The four pantheons were decided arbitrarily based on old manuscripts detailing Troll society conventions surrounding blood colour and caste. Each priest would be allocated a title alongside their position which would be given to them by the gods themselves.

This brings us back to the present day, and the coming of age day of one of the new Priests of the Four. According to Earth custom, this meant that today would be the day that the Priests were indoctrinated on broadcast to the entire population, through the use of giant screens in the plaza of every capital city - some of the only remaining technology from the golden age.

Dave chewed his bottom lip in frustration, staring at himself in the ornate mirror. He never wanted to be a priest, didn't take his studies seriously, and always had his sister-but-not rubbing in his face how much more she'd learned than he had. The only thing he was any good at was making music and the old tongue. The teen staring back at him looked as frustrated as he felt. It was a tradition he'd been told, that he would wear the purple robes of Derse. As would Rose, and John and Jade would wear the gold of Prospit. Planets that no human had ever visited but coveted for their significance. Dave wondered sometimes if they even existed.

Every Priest of the Four was supposed to have felt connected to the gods since their coming of age day but he had never heard their call. Rose claimed to talk to them in her dreams - but Dave wasn't sure if that was something else entirely. Regardless it was stupid to worry about it now, though he still felt a dark pit opening up in his stomach at the thought of it.

The Four had been sheltered most of their lives save for contact with their trainers, and the pressure of presenting himself to literally millions of people was not sitting well. Running a hand through his hair nervously he reached for the frames of his glasses. He'd been warned, had it stressed to him that he shouldn't wear them during the rite, but he felt so naked without them. Opening up the laptop he'd been given, of which few remained in existence, he decided talking to someone might assuage his nerves.

\- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:15 -

TG: hey rose  
TG: rose?  
TG: seriously throw me a bone here  
TG: im freaking out in this purple ass tribute to pope sweet jesus and lord have mercy  
TG: if pimps could still do their thang id be up there with the best of them  
TT: Dave. I'm not sure why you felt the need to talk to me now of all occasions.  
TT: I'm busy, and if I recall correctly, you should be indisposed yourself.  
TG: yeah but  
TG: ok  
TG: what if hypothetically  
TG: i think this is all stupidly shit and that the gods dont even exist anyway?  
TT: I would say that, hypothetically, your hypothesis is 'stupidly shit' as I've spoken to them myself.  
TT: They are interesting.  
TT: If a little different to how the scripture describes them.  
TG: i still think youre just tripping mad amounts of balls in your dreams  
TG: the balls are tripping so hard that they dont even exist in this plane of reality  
TG: if the balls were to trip any more they would rip a hole in space time  
TG: and suddenly begin to exist  
TG: and we would all be like  
TG: whoa where did these balls come from why are they just appearing in mid air like that?  
TG: that would make me have a religious experience unlike any other  
TT: Dave. You ramble when you're avoiding things. Go get ready.  
TG: i already am  
TG: give me some credit wow  
TT: Already? There's a joke to be made there about anxiety and coming first.  
TG: haha like we werent all thinking that  
TT: Yes, but my point still stands. I am busy, I will see you later.

\- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! -

TG: rose?  
TG: damn it come on

\- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:25 -

Scowling a little, Dave closed the laptop. Less than two hours to go. He still couldn't bring himself to take off his shades. A little bit of deviation from tradition never hurt anyone, he told himself. If the gods were real and were really that bothered about his eyes they could come down here and see them for themselves.

Thinking about it too much was beginning to make his palms sweat, if they were real and he'd been shirking all his duties then what? He didn't want to think about that. The message tone pinged loudly and he immediately brightened at the idea of a new distraction. Opening the laptop up again the colour inexplicably drained from his face. He was being messaged by someone he didn't recognise, and a strange feeling of numinous and dread washed over him.

\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:35 -

CG: DAVE.  
CG: TELL ME YOU AREN'T *SERIOUSLY* GOING TO LEAVE THOSE THINGS ON.  
CG: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS FUCKING SACRED AND DEAR TO YOU TAKE THOSE THINGS OFF YOUR STUPID PINK MUG AND FACE THIS WITH AT LEAST AN OUNCE OF SELF-RESPECT.

For a few minutes Dave couldn't bring himself to reply. He felt his blush spread across his entire face and the familiar feeling of inescapable embarrassment wash over him in waves. His breathing hastened and the world was feeling increasingly further away by the second. With shaking hands he swallowed his fear and briefly thumbed the frame of his shades. How did they know about that?

There was a sinking feeling that he should know who this person was, that perhaps this person was about to make real everything he wished wasn't. The message tone pinged again and forced him to pay attention.

CG: ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING? YOU REPLY WHEN SOMEONE TALKS TO YOU. CG: IT'S FUCKING RUDE OTHERWISE.  
CG: ARE YOU RUDE, DAVE?  
CG: ARE YOU AN UNCIVILISED SACK OF SHIT?  
TG: uh hey  
TG: sorry i was in the middle of something  
CG: OH SORRY I'M SURE YOU HAVE SO MUCH IMPORTANT STUFF GOING ON RIGHT NOW.  
CG: LIKE SITTING THERE LOOKING LIKE A WRIGGLER STRAIGHT OUT OF THE FUCKING SLIME WHEN YOU GET A MESSAGE FROM THE PERSON WHO YOU WERE LITERALLY MADE TO SPEAK TO.  
TG: yo dude  
TG: chill the fuck out  
TG: who are you?  
TG: gonna introduce yourself or what?  
TG: speaking about manners and being rude but you havent even let a brother know what your name is  
CG: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  
CG: I AM LITERALLY GESTURING AT MY SCREEN IN FRUSTRATION OVER HOW STUPID ONE LITTLE PINK MEATSACK CAN BE.  
TG: im gonna assume you only have two hands  
TG: gesture cant be that fucking impressive to type at the same time  
TG: (humans call that a burn)  
CG: DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING WHEN YOU WERE STUDYING? AT ALL?  
TG: i learned that all that shit was lame asf  
CG: WELL GREAT JOB ASSHOLE. GET THAT FUCKING BOOK OUT.  
TG: which book?  
CG: THE MASSIVE PURPLE TOME ON YOUR SIDE TABLE THAT COULD LITERALLY MURDER YOU IF I DROPPED IT ON YOUR PATHETIC THINK PAN.  
CG: THEN AGAIN, IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S PRETTY EMPTY SO MAYBE YOU COULD LIVE WITHOUT IT.  
CG: (WE CALL THAT A BURN TOO.)  
CG: WE DIDN'T GIVE YOU THAT SHIT FOR YOU TO IGNORE IT FUCKWITT.  
TG: id be less likely to ignore it if you held back some of that anger man  
TG: sounds like you got a lot of repressed issues  
TG: wanna talk about it?  
TG: this can be like an aa meeting except we talk about our FEELINGS  
TG: hey  
TG: dude?  
TG: its not good to bottle this stuff up  
TG: come talk to aunty strider  
TG: lets get all babys first sleepover sharing time up in here  
CG: FUCK YOU DAVE.

\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:00 -

Despite the way he handled the conversation, Dave was shaken up. They knew his name, they seemed to know about what was happening today, and they knew his book was on his bedside table - albeit buried under all sorts of detritus. He tried to rationalise it, there were a lot of people who knew his name and what was happening today. It was pretty important after all. Maybe this was just someone playing an elaborate prank on him. John liked pranks, this isn't something that would be beyond him.

Taking deep breaths he swiped the various things piled on top of the aforementioned book onto the floor and heaved it into his lap as he sat on the edge of his bed. It was bound in ancient leather and stamped with a spirograph motif that was prevalent in their religious symbology. He prised it open, somehow knowing exactly where he needed to be looking. There was a list, the only list of its kind in the entire book. Each of the four books had one, hastily scribbled by hand in black ink which gave the names of the relevant pantheon's members followed by another name and a pair of letters. Following the list down the page Dave felt his mouth dry up when he read the words 'carcinoGeneticist', throwing the book down onto the floor with an almighty crash. No. This wasn't happening, this wasn't real. If he didn't read the rest he could pretend it never happened. CG who? Yeah, that's right, some kid who was playing a trick on him.

Taking deep shuddering breaths he risked a peek at the page which remained open to him from the floor.

Name Username Abbr  
Megido, Aradia apocalypseArisen AA  
Nitram, Tavros adiosToreador AT  
Vantas, Karkat carcinoGeneticist CG

There it was, as plain as the nose on his face. It was one of them. Why now? Why not contact him until today? Why contact him today after showing no interest in anything to do with him? He was the 'mute' prophet, the one of the Four who was unable to speak to any divine powers. As such he had been adamant that the others were lying and were actually unable to speak to anyone too and the whole thing was an elaborate joke.

Karkat Vantas. What was it about that name he could remember? Something was pressing on the inside of his skull, information just waiting to come to the front of his mind. Picking the book back up again he flipped through the pages until he reached the new testament. The old testament was written by the gods themselves - or so it was told - and the new testament was added to give information on the interactions between them and humankind. Including the eventual abandonment.

"Karkat Vantas," Dave read aloud, pretty sure at this point that if this was all real his pantheon could hear him speaking. He hoped they at least appreciated his good pronunciation. That's how godhood works right?

"So looks like you haven't spoken to any of the Four for like, ever."

So that was it, he remembered now, Karkat's sign was regarded as one of the most neglected and unlucky. He never spoke to the Priests of the Four and when one claimed he did they would suffer some kind of reprimand. Shrugging, he placed the book back on the side table, making sure to pile his things back on top of it so that it wouldn't seem like he particularly cared. Even though he did, he cared so much it was beginning to give him heartburn.

Dave had struggled with crippling anxiety for as long as he could remember, in fact it began long before he was made aware of his impending religious indoctrination. Something that had always been able to distract him from the thoughts swirling around in his head had been to listen to and create music - or to scribble something ironically hilarious down on scraps of paper. It was doubly ironic now that humans lacked the ability to mass produce paper and it was worth its weight in gold. Well, almost.

Today, he decided that the best way to deal with the situation was to plug his headphones into his mixing desk and disappear into his own world. It was an incredibly privileged thing to be able to access old technology like this. Much of what was had been destroyed since the abandonment, in the various holy wars fought across the globe, or simply by the passage of time. Time was a cruel and unforgiving mistress. Dave felt like he understood this in a way other people didn't seem to get.

He was so absorbed in his internal critique of the tracks he was listening to that he ignored his laptop entirely.

\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:45 -

CG: SERIOUSLY DAVE.  
CG: WOULD YOU FUCKING PICK THIS THING UP AND ANSWER ME.  
CG: I'M TRYING TO BE NICE AND SAVE YOU SOME EMBARRASSMENT. ISN'T THAT SO BENEVOLENT OF ME?  
CG: IF YOU DECIDE YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO WEAR THOSE GOD-AWFUL ABOMINATIONS OF HEADGEAR THEY'LL JUST MAKE YOU TAKE THEM OFF ON CAMERA.  
CG: I DON'T MAKE THE RULES, WHICH IS REALLY FUCKING IRONIC IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.  
CG: I KNOW YOU'RE ALL ABOUT THAT SHIT.  
CG: DAVE.  
CG: DAVE!  
CG: HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS.  
CG: WOW, HELLO KARKAT. THANK YOU FOR CONTACTING ME AND TAKING AN INTEREST IN US FOR ONCE.  
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME SHITSTAIN, IT'S REALLY GREAT OF YOU TO RECOGNISE WHAT AN IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITY THIS IS!  
CG: SERIOUSLY GREAT JOB.  
CG: DAVE.  
CG FUCK THIS.

\- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:55 -

The 'Mute Prophet' would read these messages eventually, but not until long after their intended point of receipt. Instead right up until the appointed time of 12:00 he would keep going as he was, listening to music and trying not to think about what was about to happen and the information he'd just been given.

And maybe, just maybe, he would catch a bit of sleep.

* * *

Somewhere in paradox space, Karkat was staring at a screen, gripping the table so hard it might leave indents where his fingers were. In reality the pantheons were pretty useless. The trolls as they were all lived together on a planet that had been allocated to them by the endless possibilities of the game, albeit hidden from the view of mankind. It existed in their solar system but on a different plane of reality at the same time. They had all guessed that this was the new universe's way of keeping them separate from their subjects without denying them access. It was working out well so far.

The only things the pantheons served to do were to conveniently allocate the trolls equally among four representatives. The trolls didn't mind that this was the way things worked - the humans assumed each of the prophets had some kind of psychic connection to the gods but that was only partially true.

There was a reason that generations of the same families were all destined to be the Four. The reason being that regardless of some innate psychic ability, the Four alone had access to the knowledge and technology required to contact the trolls on their plane of existence. It was more of a job you were _taught_ to do and less of a job you were _born_ to do.

However, that said, this didn't mean that sometimes the Four did have a psychic connection to the trolls. There had never been a time where all of the Four possessed this ability - until now.

Rose had been connected to the remnants of the game session since she was young. The whispers fed to her in her dreams were not, in fact, what the humans referred to as the Zodiac, but were the gods of the furthest ring. A fact that greatly unsettled certain members of her given pantheon. As much as the Four were allocated to serve the trolls, they felt as if they were custodians of the prophet bound to them.

Jade had directly communicated with some of them as she was the first to completely awaken and did so long before her coming of age day. John would find his connection today, and Dave…

Karkat didn't know what to think about Dave's connection.

From all the signs they'd been given it should be that he could talk directly to Dave without even the need for any communication devices. All of the Prophets of this generation possessed the ability to become close enough to at least one of the trolls to enable telepathic communication, but Dave's self-imposed skepticism and denial prevented him from opening his mind to them.

The connection was said to be stronger between trolls and humans of different dream planets, but since Dave refused to awaken in any sense Karkat was cut off entirely. It angered him beyond much else.

Here was the first human, to his knowledge, to have existed who could communicate with him on this intimate subconscious level and he denied him that experience. How selfish. A somewhat delicate hand landed on his shoulder, Aradia was talking to him and he'd ignored her in his rage.

An unspoken question passed between them and she smiled.

"I wouldn't worry about Dave," she began, looking at the screen over his shoulder. "I cannot contact him either."

He let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. Trust her to know he was so anxious about this. It was clear that the human was literally made to be his emissary or whatever but there was part of him that was terrified of the idea of Dave connecting with someone else instead of him, and among the 'lowblood' pantheon Araida was the most likely candidate for that.

Seriously why the humans felt the need to use that to separate them out he would never understand. Maybe they deserved being abandoned.

Still, once the rite began Dave would have no choice but to wake the fuck up and smell the thorny earth petal organisms. Yes, he knew they were called roses but where was the fun in that? He just kind of wanted to learn something about the human first, see what was so special about him. But he wouldn't even let him see his face properly.

Rising from his chair slowly Karkat sighed exasperatedly and made his way to his own block as opposed to the one he was currently sharing with the others in preparation for the inauguration. He was never really into these things and he preferred to be alone when the connection was made. It meant the disappointment when things didn't work for him wasn't out in the open for everyone to see.

Lying down on the cushioned recliner he closed his eyes and allowed himself to teeter on the edge of consciousness. Apparently they were more susceptible to the joining this way. He very nearly fell asleep entirely until…

 _Uh, hey, Karkat? Is it cool to call you that or am I supposed to use a title or something? I have no idea if you can hear me but I'm beginning to lose my shit here._

He sat bolt upright and felt his chest throbbing painfully as his pulse shot up to a million beats a minute. Hearing that so clearly in his head was terrifying, especially for a troll who had never experienced any kind of psychic ability.

"Dave?"


	2. Jade

Today was John's birthday, and Jade was excited for everything that was to come along with that. She had been awake since the early hours of the morning - which was very unusual for her. The excitement had staved off any sleep, and she was looking herself over in the full length mirror her handmaiden had prepared for her. The Prospit gold suited her complexion, and flattered her figure. Several hours had been spent agonising over the way to wear her hair, until she'd been informed that a braided up-do was traditional for a priestess with locks as long as hers. She thumbed some of the more intricate work with her right hand, wondering how on earth she'd get it all down again when the cleansing took place.

Lucky for Rose she wouldn't have that same experience! Jade had been speaking to some of the gods for years now, her awakening had taken place when she was very young and so she was not in the least bit concerned about their duties. She had tried to talk to Dave about it several times, but he vehemently denied their existence. Really they were quite nice for the most part, if not a little unusual. Still, she supposed this is something they would all find out in the coming weeks. Looking at herself in the mirror again gave her a strange uneasy feeling - like she was unable to tell if she was awake or asleep. After waking up on Prospit all that time ago her dreams and reality could be difficult to separate at the best of times, never mind when she was wearing these gold pyjamas in her waking hours.

As she did her best to push the uneasy feeling out of her mind, she heard a message come through on her laptop.

\- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 10:00 -

GA: Good Morning Jade  
GG: hello kanaya!  
GA: You Seem To Be In A Good Mood Today  
GA: I Hope This Is A Reflection of Your Excitement For The Coming Events  
GG: yes! i am very excited :D  
GG: i am finding it hard to sit around waiting for things to happen  
GG: i dont think dave or rose will be able to talk to me this morning  
GA: Why Is That?  
GA: I Have Not Personally Spoken To Either Of Them But From What You Say They Are Usually Available For Conversation  
GG: yeah  
GG: i think they are both busy today with their own problems!  
GG: i will see them later anyway  
GA: I Suppose That Will Have To Suffice  
GA: Karkat Is Concerned About Dave  
GG: concerned  
GG: why? :/  
GA: He Is As Usual  
GA: Struggling To Overcome His Own Issues Surrounding The Joining  
GG: i wouldnt worry about it  
GG: i know he meets dave eventually  
GG: all of us actually!  
GA: Yes I Know  
GA: I Have Tried To Explain This  
GA: I Hope You Enjoy Your Special Day Jade  
GA: It Will Be Nice To Have A Chance To Really Meet You Outside Of Dreams  
GG: yes! i cant wait to meet all of you too  
GG: but it is not my special day  
GG: it is johns!  
GG: i should wish him a happy birthday  
GG: goodbye kanaya!

\- gardenGnostic [GG] is now an idle chum! -

GA: Goodbye Jade

\- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 10:15 -

Remembering that it is her friend's most special birthday of all, Jade finishes her conversation with Kanaya and opens up another chat window to speak with John.

\- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:20 -

GG: john!  
GG: happy birthday! :D  
GG: john?  
EB: oh hi jade!  
EB: sorry i am so busy this morning you would not believe it  
GG: im sure i would  
GG: we are all very busy remember?  
EB: yeah i know, sorry, thanks for the birthday wishes!  
GG: youre welcome  
GG: i wont bother you for too long  
GG: just wanted to congratulate you  
GG: and say im looking forward to meeting you for real!  
EB: yeah me too! and dave and rose.  
EB: oh man it will be so sweet  
EB: i cant believe we werent allowed to see each other before now :(  
GG: it sucks  
GG: but it is almost over now!  
GG: i will let you get down to business  
EB: to defeat the huns?  
EB: hehe  
GG: haha  
GG: yes  
GG: goodbye john!  
EB: bye jade!

\- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:40 -

Jade took a moment to appreciate John's joke, before she returned to her preparations. As the first to awaken she had been in charge of supplying the others with the information they needed to correctly perform the rites. Unfortunately, she already knew that at least one of them would not read the memo, and another would disregard most of it. Still, it was nice to feel important.

Her own evenings had been spent practising up until today, it was good, to know that her dedication wouldn't go to waste. Rose, she mused, would probably be more eloquent and impressive than her when it came down to it, but as long as she was enthusiastic and did her best she couldn't be sad about it. John was about as clueless as ever, and she guessed Dave would be too cool to care much about it all.

The large golden leather-bound tome on her shelf winked at her out of the corner of her eye. Jade smiled, she didn't have to remove her glasses just yet so she would give it another quick flick through - just the important parts. Becquerel, who was until this moment curled up on the rug, came to sit next to her on the bed. His silent vigilance was as endearing as it always was.

Good dog, best friend.

She opened to a specific page and ran her fingers affectionately over the handwritten note.

Name Username Abbr  
Sollux Captor twinArmageddons [TA]  
Nepeta Leijon arsenicCatnip [AC]  
Kanaya Maryam grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

There were a great deal more friends to be made than this, in fact there were twelve more in total including the other priests! However, these were the three she was allocated to. The three that she would get to know the best - and in fact the three that she had already spoken to the most. She spent some time like this, considering the ins and outs of their imminent undertaking. Reading about the various temples they would visit for their pilgrimage, scattered throughout the valley of the gods.

It made her sad to know that she would be split up from her friends not long after meeting them, but they would all meet up again in the end and their journeys would be important to their development.

Jade was always an excitable, happy-go-lucky kind of girl - but sometimes she really did feel sad. Everyone did, why would she be an exception? The excitement of meeting her friends and starting their journey was hampered down with the weight of responsibility and the feeling that somehow, she would be left behind by them. That John and Dave would reach heights she couldn't, and Rose would do things her own way and leave Jade alone. It brought her down some days more than others.

Looking at her hand she could see the final colourful band which sat on her index finger, reminding her that today was the day that everything would change. When she removed this band no more would take its place. Taking a deep breath she rolled it off her finger and put it on her side table, her glasses following suit. She would need those again later, but she wasn't supposed to wear them right now. Her final accessory was a garland of flowers made to sit atop her head as a crown. Now the girl in the mirror was not Jade Harley. The makeup, the outfit, the crown, it made her look like someone else - someone bigger than she felt like she could be. This was no time to dwell on things like that. When they were cleansed she could be herself again - that was the point wasn't it? To bring yourself back to your most natural state. Even so, she couldn't help feeling that something was changing and that they would never get it back again. It left an emptiness in her chest that was hollow and cold.

She reached a finger up into the intricate knot work of her hair and loosed a single wavy strand. There! Just that one little act of rebellion made her feel a _million_ times better. She smiled despite herself and wondered if the others would do something similar. Bec tugged on her sleeve, reminding her that she had to leave soon. It was just after eleven, she could spend a little longer here. Maybe get a nap in just to see Prospit before she left. It always calmed her.

"Bec, wake me up if I seep too long okay?"

The dog didn't reply, but sat back on his haunches and watched her intently, indicating that he understood. She smiled, lying down and allowing herself to drift out of consciousness if only for half an hour.

* * *

Fortunately for Jade, all of the trolls she had been talking to were more than used to interacting with her by now, and none of them had to go through any special circumstances to get her to open up to them. She had simply always welcomed their conversation and sometimes even met up with those who dreamed on Prospit.

Kanaya smiled to herself, happy to have such a pleasant person for a consort. Admittedly she was more curious about some of the other humans but Jade was a nice girl, if a bit naive sometimes. She looked up as Karkat stormed off out of the room, volatile as usual. Aradia smiled at her sympathetically, both of them understanding each other's experience with his outbursts.

"Lookths like KK is throwing another hithy fit." came Sollux's lisping dig from her left hand side.

"I don't get wwhat the big deal is." Eridan's voice wafted over from the other side of the room.

Kanaya could never really think of a word to describe how he spoke. It wasn't quite a stutter, but the emphasis on particular letters grated on her somewhat.

"So he can't use mind-speak, it's not like he talks to any of them in the first place."

"I don't think that's very fair." Kanaya scolded him, turning away from her computer. "Karkat is trying to make a friend, I think, and we shouldn't berate him for that."

"He should just ask it's not that hard."

"Yeth, becauthe that workth sho well for you."

"Shut your mouth piss-blooded scum."

Aradia and Kanaya looked at each other again with an expression that read 'are we really doing this now'.

"Shut up, both of you!" Aradia spoke up eventually, crossing her arms over her chest. "Really, this is why everything is so messed up in the first place."

The argument went on for a little while, but as with most of them it was circular. Kanaya and Aradia trying to appease Sollux and Eridan whose threats of violence were about as dangerous as a wet paper bag.

The sound of the transportilizer whirring to life heralded the end of their conversation, Karkat reappearing after only around ten minutes of absence. His eyes were wide with shock, and everyone stared at him in response.

"KK, you alright?" Sollux asked, concerned for his friend.

"Karkat?" Kanaya too, was worried about what could cause his sudden reappearance.

He shook his head, walking over to his computer again and sitting down. He rested his elbows on the surface, and put his head in his hands.

Puzzled, Kanaya looked over at Aradia who moved her chair over to sit next to him and put a hand on his forearm.

"Would you like to go somewhere else?"

He shook his head again, looking up at her with a pained expression. If she had cogs in her head you would have been able to hear them clanking into place.

"Oh! Karkat, that's great!"

Grimacing, he bared his fangs at her in an attempt at an angry expression.

"Whaths great?" Aradia whispered something to Karkat, who nodded slowly. She turned to face the others.

"He can hear Dave!"

There was a short silence, followed by a commotion as the others tried to congratulate or question him about it. The noise was deafening to someone who had just experienced telepathy for the first time.

"Would you all just shut the fuck up!" he shouted eventually, rubbing his temples. "You're making my headache worse if that's even possible."

"Thorry KK, I forget thith mutht be weird to you."

"Weird is a seriously massive understatement, tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do about this."

The other trolls looked at one another before wordlessly backing off to leave him with Aradia. They assumed her to be the most qualified for this conversation.

"Really though, this is a good thing." She began explaining to him the nuances of mind-speak.

Ways to mute the echoes, and they made arrangements for some training regimens so that he might be able to turn the connection on and off at will - and more importantly reply. He listened to her talk with a scrunched up face of conflict for a while, until his expression softened almost immediately.

"Oh, did something change?" she asked, noticing the difference in him.

"Yeah, I think Dave did something on his end. My head feels lighter."

She nodded, guessing earlier that the one in 'control' of the connection had been the Derse dreamer.

"Perhaps he woke up on Earth?"

Karkat shook his head.

"No, he wasn't awake on Derse in the first place, stubborn asshole."

This was puzzling but not unheard of.

"I hate to interrupt." Kanaya called from her chair. "But the ceremony will start soon, perhaps you would like to move somewhere quieter?"

Nodding, Aradia picked Karkat up from his seat - who swatted her hands away. Disgusted with the idea of needing her help to get anywhere.

"Alright, let's go to your block Karkat, I'll help you out if things get rough."

Although he wouldn't admit it, he was terrified of the whole thing, but the idea of leaving made him feel like a scumbag. He shrugged her off, groaning a little from the pressure on his skull. It was still tender it seemed.

"No, gonna stay here. Not giving her the satisfaction."

Which of the female trolls he was referring to, they could only speculate. However, the list wasn't particularly long.

Kanaya resumed her work at the computer, waiting for the ceremony to begin, and the inevitable influx of eleven other trolls, well, seven considering that there were five of them in the room to begin with. Right on queue, what Karkat affectionately (or not) described as the ' _shit-show_ ' began to show up one by one. Vriska and Terezi had appeared together, arms lazily wrapped around each other's shoulders. Kanaya cringed, glad Karkat was preoccupied. It was one thing to have a moirail, it was another thing to rub it in everyone's faces.

"Hello, bitches!" Vriska's cackling laugh bashed her eardrums in a way she couldn't describe. Even worse for the hurt feelings that still caught in her chest when she saw the 'scourge sisters' back together again. "Hm, what only you guys so far?"

Eridan waved a hand at her from across the room without sparing a single glance in her direction.

"Could you be quiet? Some of us havve shit to do."

This earned a snigger from Sollux, typical that the only time they get along is when they're teasing someone else.

"Dithappointed? I'm thure Tavroth would come if you methaged him."

She scowled, flipping them both off.

"Whatever, I guess our _supreme leader_ got over himself this time, instead of hiding like a little wriggler once again."

Kanaya bit her tongue, resisting the urge to rub it into her face that Karkat was talking to Dave, possibly right at this moment, with Aradia's help. Nobody responded.

"Well at least he smells delicious when he's embarrassed." Terezi spoke up eventually, to which Vriska laughed a little too much. Just enough for it to be unsettling.

"If you must know," Kanaya spoke up eventually.

"We were all quite busy with something important."

"Oh? Are you guys all some weird thing now?"

"No, we were helping Karkat."

"With _what_ , exactly?"

"Figure that out for yourself."

"Come on Kanaya, that was pretty venomous from you."

"He is presently occupied, and that is all there is to say on the matter until he decides otherwise."

Vriska pouted, flopping herself down into a chair, Terezi following suit at the unit next to her. Sollux was snickering to himself on the periphery of her hearing.

"What the hell are you laughing at, asshole?"

"Juth looking forward to the look on your faith when you get dethroned."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

There was silence again, nobody said anything for a long time - mostly waiting for the events of the day to begin. Every now and again the others could make out Aradia whispering something to Karkat who would shout-whisper in response. Eventually Aradia returned to her own computer, leaving the other troll to his own devices. She smiled at Kanaya reassuringly who decided he must just need to be left to it.

Vriska was tapping her claw-like nails on the table, getting increasingly bored, and agitated by the fact that Karkat hadn't said a single thing to her since she'd arrived with his old flame.

"Hey, nubby horns!" she called from across the room, Karkat's frown only deepened but he said nothing. "I'm talking to you! Karkat! Don't ignore me."

Eventually he couldn't stop himself from responding.

"I'm trying to have a fucking conversation here can you stop interrupting with your loud bitchy bullshit? Thanks."

"A conversation? So now you've finally lost the last bit of your sanity."

He lifted his head up out of his hands and turned to look at her, flashing an unsettling grin that was just the right amount of smug to make her think twice.

"What, John hasn't spoken to you yet?" he asked, letting the question hang in the air like a bad smell.

"What are you on about? Are you honestly expecting me to believe that you're talking to your idiot of a consort right now?"

"Mm I agree."

"What?"

"Oh, Dave just said you sound like a vapid hag."

There was silence, then a screeching yell, and pandemonium.


	3. Rose and John

Well I've managed to stick to my once-a-week update schedule for this so far. All the kids have been introduced so it's going back to the Dave-centric plotline it's meant to have.  
It's Dave-centric, slow burn DaveKat, but I hope the overarching plot is more interesting than just the shippy aspect (not that that's not awesome too).  
Next chapter sees some more of the trolls and the set up for the first arc of the storyline, love you all so much!

* * *

The girl in the mirror was not nearly imposing enough for Rose's liking. She had been practising her speech for weeks, and spent all morning looking herself over for signs of weakness. If she could have her way she would use this ritual to make a statement of power, if only to one-up her mother. Her guardian demanded a certain amount of respect and authority where she went, despite her usually inebriated state. Rose wouldn't admit it, but she wanted that same respect from other people. She made another attempt at a strong seating pose, scanning her eyes across her room as if out at a crowd from the throne that would be hers. Really it just left her feeling awkward.

Maybe she wasn't cut out for this after all. There was some time yet to get everything just right, but she wanted to finish knitting John's birthday present and tweak her makeup a little bit. The image of Dave and John being made over brought a smile to her face. The boys were not exempt from wearing makeup and finery today.

If she was honest, she quite liked that aspect of the traditions, and was sort of looking forward to seeing her not-quite brother in lipstick. It was an interesting thought that was for sure.

Now, speaking of lipstick… Reaching into her drawer Rose retrieved her own personal favourite shade - which was a very dark purple bordering on black. She had been made up with a peachy-red shade by her lady in waiting but much preferred a darker look for herself. It contrasted nicely with her skin. Although admittedly sometimes she was jealous of John and Jade's abilities to colour so nicely. She simply burned. Even Dave tanned better than her.

Small annoyances aside, she was pleased with her overall look now. Time to get back to knitting this thing. Her computer pinged, informing her of a new message. She ignored the first, but several followed and she decided that the message was either urgent or required a reply.

\- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:15 -

TG: hey rose  
TG: rose?  
TG: seriously throw me a bone here  
TG: im freaking out in this purple ass tribute to pope sweet jesus and lord have mercy  
TG: if pimps could still do their thang id be up there with the best of them  
TT: Dave. I'm not sure why you felt the need to talk to me now of all occasions.  
TT: I'm busy, and if I recall correctly, you should be indisposed yourself.  
TG: yeah but  
TG: ok  
TG: what if hypothetically  
TG: i think this is all stupidly shit and that the gods dont even exist anyway?  
TT: I would say that, hypothetically, your hypothesis is 'stupidly shit' as I've spoken to them myself.  
TT: They are interesting.  
TT: If a little different to how the scripture describes them.  
TG: i still think youre just tripping mad amounts of balls in your dreams  
TG: the balls are tripping so hard that they dont even exist in this plane of reality  
TG: if the balls were to trip any more they would rip a hole in space time  
TG: and suddenly begin to exist  
TG: and we would all be like  
TG: whoa where did these balls come from why are they just appearing in mid air like that?  
TG that would make me have a religious experience unlike any other  
TT: Dave. You ramble when you're avoiding things. Go get ready.  
TG: i already am  
TG: give me some credit wow  
TT: Already? There's a joke to be made there about anxiety and coming first.  
TG: haha like we werent all thinking that  
TT: Yes, but my point still stands. I am busy, I will see you later.

\- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! -

TG: rose?  
TG: damn it come on

\- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:25 -

Rose told Dave to leave her alone, how was she supposed to get anything done with him pestering her all morning. It wasn't her fault that he couldn't get past his own issues. On any other day she would enjoy picking apart his conversation for an antagonising game of psychoanalysis bingo but she really did have things she needed to be doing today.

The last few nights had been mostly sleepless, the gods murmuring more loudly than ever. It was beginning to get unsettling, and Rose was unsure if she was really communicating with who she thought it was. She pushed those ideas out of her mind, what else could it possibly be? This was the task she was created for after all.

As time ticked by she found herself becoming increasingly nervous and spared a thought for Dave, whom she knew - though he would never say it - struggled with a rather pronounced form of anxiety. Even without him explicitly saying anything all the signs were there, and it concerned her somewhat. She hoped he would cope alright during their separate pilgrimages. Although, at least he would be mostly alone for that. Whether he felt better or worse when he was alone was not something she knew.

Eventually her lady in waiting came to retrieve her. Rose lived the furthest from the temple, out of the city by a wide margin - okay this was not strictly true. Jade lived much further away, however she had a very direct method of travel by which to get there. The trip, while not extreme, did take over an hour and they would need to leave now to be on time. If there was one thing she would not abide in this situation it was to be being late. She could finish her project on the way there.

Cars were no longer a viable method of travel now that the ability to produce the fuel was gone - and regardless of whether they stockpiled what was left it had a lot of other uses which were more important than depriving someone of exercise. Instead, those who needed to would travel by horseback - Rose had always enjoyed riding, sharing photos with Dave who seemed to enjoy the pastime too. She could never really tell how many layers removed his personal brand of ironic humour was, but she was pretty sure he liked horses. In this instance, however, she would not be riding and would instead be pulled in a carriage. It was a shame, she rather liked the idea of turning up on Maplehoof. Hilarious and genuinely enjoyable at the same time. Of course the tiny horse was really incapable of bearing her any real distance, but she loved it anyway.

The carriage was extravagantly decorated in purples and silvers, designs mirroring her connection to Derse and, she felt, befitting her personal character. Yes, this would suffice. And getting to sit down and finish this present would be a benefit. She spared a thought for the others. Jade would transport herself there and be ready instantly without - if she so chose - even having to look at the gathering crowds. Lucky her.

John would no doubt be asked to walk, he didn't live an appropriate distance for horses and disliked riding them anyway. If he even could. From what Rose could gather, he was unable to ride and had to have another with him any time he went out. That would be embarrassing so walking was probably a blessing in comparison. Dave would be asked to ride, most likely. She allowed herself a pang of concern, he wouldn't like being the centre of attention atop a horse surrounded by all those people. Still, her carriage would probably steal the show and she wasn't sure if she was happy about that herself.

If she could get into that 'power' mindset perhaps she would be okay. Reveal herself dramatically and command the attention of the populace. It was a tall order.

The scenery always filled her with strange feelings. They passed by a strange amalgamation of natural vistas and fields, and run-down cityscapes. It was post-apocalyptic and rustic all at the same time and always filled her with an uneasiness. It was the responsibility of The Four to try and fix things, to get them back to the way they were before by bargaining with the gods. However, the more Rose thought about it, the more she wondered if the way things were before was really a 'fix', or if they would be better off trying something completely different.

The whispers she had heard in her dreams spoke of a reckoning and wars beyond imagining, of the great, magical bark-beast who would disrupt their perfect harmony. Of the downfall of The Four and the rise of The Twelve. The end of the world.

They never specified of anyone's survival or otherwise, or if this was a good or bad thing - whether or not she could attempt to stop it, or if her attempts even had a chance of being successful. The view of the city's great wooden gates snapped her from her thoughts and to the situation at hand.

"Gamzee, Eridan, and Feferi…" she mumbled to herself.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

John spent most of his morning running around trying to burn off some of his excitement. To no avail. It was his birthday, and his joining day, and his coming of age day all in one. There was so much happening in such a short space of time, and suddenly his life was changing in ways he couldn't imagine.

Currently, several servants were rushing about helping him get dressed for the ceremony. Between his dad's insistence on an early birthday celebration before he got too busy, fighting off an ungodly number of cakes, and getting covered in frosting from said cakes, he was a mess and there wasn't much time left to be getting on with things.

His laptop informed him of a message while a girl attempted to shape his hair with some weird clay-type substance. He reached over for it, earning a gasp of disapproval from her as he messed up her technique by moving.

"Hehe, sorry." he apologised halfheartedly. Jade was messaging him. He guessed he could say hi, but it would have to be quick.

— gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:20 —

GG: john!  
GG: happy birthday! :D  
GG: john?  
EB: oh hi jade!  
EB: sorry i am so busy this morning you would not believe it  
GG: im sure i would  
GG: we are all very busy remember?  
EB: yeah i know, sorry, thanks for the birthday wishes!  
GG: youre welcome  
GG: i wont bother you for too long  
GG: just wanted to congratulate you  
GG: and say im looking forward to meeting you for real!  
EB: yeah me too! and dave and rose.  
EB: oh man it will be so sweet  
EB: i cant believe we werent allowed to see each other before now :(  
GG: it sucks  
GG: but it is almost over now!  
GG: i will let you get down to business  
EB: to defeat the huns?  
EB: hehe  
GG: haha  
GG: yes  
GG: goodbye john!  
EB: bye jade!

— gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:40 —

It sure was nice of her to remember his birthday, when she had so much going on herself. Speaking of which, it seemed like it was now time for makeup. John pulled a face, having never worn the stuff before and never intending to he was finding it a little weird. At least it would all be coming off soon enough.

He had to give the artist credit though, he was less overdone and more enhanced by the touch ups that had been done here and there. The only thing that was really throwing him off was the peachy pink lip colour.

The girl who had previously been working on his hair came over now with a pot of a blue paint-like substance and drew a stripe across his face, over the bridge of his nose. Roughly, he thought, where the bottom of his glasses would lie if he was still wearing them. They had been removed by the makeup artist.

The only thing keeping him sane through all of the primping and preening was the knowledge that Dave had probably gone through the same thing this morning. He wasn't wrong, even if their overall designs had been different. The Prospit gold of his outfit was at least showing off his tanned skin, which he was glad for. If he had been a Derse dreamer it would have clashed so badly he didn't think he would want to appear at the ceremony at all.

He imagined it suiting Rose and Dave though, they were both pale and he guessed sort of ghost-like in their looks. Especially Rose. Not that her pseudo-gothic style wasn't cool or anything, it just wasn't something that he thought could suit many other people as well as it did her.

It was a pain that he wasn't allowed to wear his glasses, he really did need those to see. Maybe it would make things easier, he might not be able to tell really if people were staring at him. The flower crown was irritating his nostrils and he cursed his allergies for making him want to sneeze. As soon as he was left to his own devices, dressed up and uncomfortable in his formal outfit he swapped out his shiny shoes for some comfortable sneakers. Much better. Those shoes were beginning to rub before he'd even gotten anywhere. How did they expect anyone to walk around in something so awkward?

He laughed to himself, thinking about meeting gods and goddesses and wondering if they would be able to tell if he was a guy. It would be funny to pretend that he was a girl for a bit if they didn't know. From what he could remember, they weren't the same as humans, so maybe they wouldn't? Then again, they did make humans, so really they ought to…

His attention wandered again, and he found himself thinking about the three he'd been allocated, what were their names?

"Terezi, Vriska, and Equius…?" he questioned out loud, he wasn't really sure how to pronounce them properly. Dave had always been better than him at that sort of thing.

John's forte was music and an unbridled optimism about pretty much everything. He wasn't phased by the idea of today's events. He was excited by it, and couldn't wait to play that huge pipe-organ in front of his friends. It would be nice to share that experience with them. Whereas Jade had been plagued by a feeling of change that was negative and the end of something, John's idea of today's change manifested itself as something new beginning and an adventure stretching out in front of them. They would be split up pretty soon after meeting but that wouldn't be an issue. They would stay in contact as always, and once the pilgrimage was over they could all meet back up again.

He was sure of it, there was no way anything could go wrong and stop them from being able to see each other every day.

There was something else he was supposed to do today, what was it…? His eyes wandered to his bedside table, it was blurry on account of his glasses being absent, but he could just about make out a small bottle with a herb inside. Oh yeah, that was it. He was supposed to take this and go to sleep this morning so he could wake up on Prospit. What an idiot!

There was still some time left, he could get in half an hour. Someone would come to fetch him for the ceremony, so he could give himself a little nap.

He wondered if Jade might be there, she spoke about it a lot.

* * *

Prospit's outline was golden and brilliant from John's position on its moon. The giant chain anchoring it to the planet's surface stood out like a sore thumb. Jade was nowhere to be seen, but she wasn't in her tower either - so she was awake somewhere. He was taken with a sudden desire to go find her, but remembered that none of them were allowed to meet in person before today. Did it even count in their dreams? Probably not but he wasn't ready to take that chance.

Instead, John spent his dream time exploring his new home from home and getting to know some of the locals. They seemed happy to find him awake, and spoke sometimes of the 'other dreamers'. It was interesting to know that the gods dreamselves lived here too. He resisted the urge to peek in on them too, and spent the rest of his time like this, flying around and chatting to the chess people.

* * *

He awoke with a start, to find one of the servants shaking him awake with a stern look on her face. She fussed over his hair and outfit as he clambered to his feet, regarding him with a disapproving look.

"Really, Master Egbert you were just finished getting ready."

"Sorry, couldn't help myself."

She grumbled, but continued with her ministrations before rushing him out of the room and out into the hall.

It was about time he guessed. Bringing himself up to his full height, he took a deep breath and prepared himself for the short walk from his home to the temple. All of the staff were present to see him out, as well as his dad. There were no words exchanged, but John was pretty sure he could see a couple of people start to cry. In all honesty, he was trying really hard not to cry too. This marked the start of the rest of his life.

He had a feeling it was going to be a day he would remember for a very long time.

Taking his first step out into the daylight, John smiled, he should be positive. After all. It was his birthday.


	4. Red

Taking deep shaking breaths, Dave mounted the horse that had been presented to him. There were several reasons why this did not sit well with him at that moment. The first of those being that this was not his horse, this was the horse that some well-to-do toff had decided was the best looking for the task. He frowned, looking at the beast with apprehension. There was something to be said for the bond between a horse and its rider, it was something that grew over many years, and even if a horse was well-trained a new master would never be quite the same. The sensation grew the anxiety which was now settling in his gut, which seemed to get tighter and tighter by the minute. Finally resolving to put his foot in the stirrup he swung himself over and onto the creature's back. It moved in a way that was unfamiliar to him and it was doing very little to calm him down, Dave had never been scared of horses but something about this situation was setting him off. He knew that the horse would be able to pick up on his apprehension and tried to calm himself down - to no avail. Taking a deep breath he thought back to what Rose had been telling him before he went to sleep, and when he woke up on Prospit.

After his dreamself woke up he had been able to hear him in the back of his mind, that naggy, irritating voice. He figured out pretty quickly that it was Karkat, and that somehow his awakening had allowed him to begin mindspeak with the troll. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try that now…

Someone to talk to, _anyone_ to talk to, would be better than being left to his own thoughts. He gave the horse a tap with his heels, motivating it to begin moving. If he could talk to someone for his journey it should help wind him down a bit, and he was so used to riding by now that he didn't need to pay much attention.

His bro watched him from the rooftop, not coming to wish him farewell. Dave waved a hand haphazardly in his direction to show he acknowledged his being there without inviting conversation or the impression that he particularly _cared_.

Which he did. He cared so much his head might explode.

Now was not the time for thinking about that, now was the time for clarity and presence of mind. He knew what Rose had said about his shades hindering his connection was true, but he wasn't sure he was ready to take them off yet. Maybe he didn't want to hear Karkat particularly clearly. Trying to grasp the sensation he felt previously, he wrinkled his eyebrows in frustration. He could just about pinpoint that voice if he tried. Alright, time to broadcast something.

 _Dave: Uh, hey, Karkat? Is it cool to call you that or am I supposed to use a title or something? I have no idea if you can hear me but I'm beginning to lose my shit here._

There was no reply for a little while, so Dave felt like maybe his message hadn't been heard and began to feel a little put-out. Even if he hadn't wanted the connection in the first place he was still supposed to be able to use it - and not being able to do something really wasn't in the Strider mandate.

 _Karkat: What the fuck? Dave?_

He pulled hard on the reins out of surprise, startling the horse somewhat. So maybe his message did go through after all. The journey might pass a little easier, if he could only figure out what to say.

 _Dave: Oh! Hey man, I'm gonna assume that Karkat is cool then since you're calling me by my first name._

 _Did you seriously contact me like this to waste my time? Well shit if that isn't the most human thing I've ever heard._

Dave frowned in irritation, if the guy was always going to be this antagonistic what was the point of their connection in the first place.

 _Dave: Dude, you sound like you've got a stick up your ass. What is your deal?_

 _Karkat: My DEAL is that you are an irritating pice of shit already and I've barely spoken to you._

 _Dave: Well technically you've never spoken to me._

 _This is exactly what I was talking about. You speak to me out of the blue about being freaked out. Then I, being a great benevolent god, decide I'm going to take pity out of concern for your irreparably damaged psyche. But what happens when you reply to me? You sound as fucking fine as ever, no breakdowns or shitstorms. On top of all that I'm having to focus in on you so hard my think pan is being torn apart by a pack of wild meowbeasts._

 _Dave: Haha dude that imagery is both vivid and hilarious. Well now we're talking I'm moving away from freakout city. That shithole is so far away I can barely see it on the horizon._

 _Karkat: Alright, I'm leaving._

 _Dave: No! Uh, no, sorry man. Hey, what did you mean when you said I was hurting you?_

Dave frowned at the thought of that, was this painful for Karkat? Maybe the difficulties he felt on his end when he was being kind of cagey were worse for the troll involved? Some kind of mental barrier that he had to get past in order to send messages out.

 _Karkat: Well what does it sound like? Trying to sift your thoughts out of all this mushy mess is like trying to squeeze a potato through a sieve._

 _Dave: Hm, okay hang on. Give me one minute._

 _Karkat: Dave?_

Sighing inwardly he slowed the horse down to a trot, not that he had been going particularly fast in the first place. Still, it paid to be careful in situations like this. He thumbed the edge of his shades. It was stupid, that he felt like he couldn't take them off. Rose had mentioned it on occasion when they exchanged photographs. 'Why are you wearing those no matter the suitability of the situation?' or something like that. Dave always felt like an idiot for caring about it, he'd been given them as a gift from John - and prior to that had worn a pair that matched his bro's. His eyes and a generous portion of his face had always been hidden from view, and for the most part he kept it that way. It wasn't clear whether wearing shades from a young age made him self-conscious about how he looked or if his self-consciousness was now the reason that he kept them on, but it didn't change the way he felt about it. A proverbial chicken and egg scenario.

Gingerly removing the articles from his face, he held the reins in one hand and the arm of his shades gingerly in the other. He squinted against the brightness of his surroundings and winced a little at the pain the sudden change caused his retinas. Almost immediately he felt a difference, and after looking around to ensure he was entirely alone, returned to his conversation.

 _Dave: Is that any better?_

 _Karkat: Actually yeah, what did you do?_

This elicited a bit of a smile, at least he was right on this account.

 _Dave: Nothing really, I just realised something was blocking you out._

 _Karkat: Oh. Well thanks I think?_

 _Dave: No problem dude. We are kinda veering dangerously close to freakout city again though here._

 _Karkat: Huh. What the fuck do you want me to do about it?_

 _Dave: I dunno, talk to me about some bullshit or other._

 _Karkat: Seriously? You can't be left alone with your thoughts for all of five seconds before your stupid human skull implodes? Fuck me sideways._

Dave laughed at the mashup of clearly alien observations and human expressions.

 _Dave: Think I'll pass on that one. So yeah, I don't like listening to my own thoughts, let's all rip into Strider and his bullshit self flagellation._

There was a long pause, the only things he had to focus on were the sounds of the birds and how vivid everything looked without his shades to block out the light.

 _Karkat: Okay._

 _Dave: Okay what?_

 _Karkat: I will talk to you about 'some bullshit or other'. I kinda know what you mean about the slow mental euthanasia of your own thoughts._

 _Dave: Your metaphors and similes and shit are always on fucking point like damn that is straight up vicious._

 _Karkat: Glad to know my 'shit' is on point too. Whatever the fuck that means._

 _Dave: Haha dude seriously stop it I can't contain myself here._

* * *

Karkat frowned, he was mostly by himself, but he still worried someone else in the room could see what he was doing. That maybe someone would notice that wretched red colouring filtering up to his face. Dave was laughing, and he was cursing the fact that mindspeak seemed to relay that sort of sound too.

It was stupid, and embarrassing that he was getting so much enjoyment out of this already. He made the human laugh, and not even really at _him_ as much as just at their _conversation_. Most of his waking hours (of which there were many) were spent feeling anxious, angry or upset, or thinking about quadrants, social dynamics and watching movies. Right now was no exception. He was anxious as he had ever been, angry at himself for being that way, and thinking about social interaction with humans. Why did they create a species that didn't have quadrants? Then maybe Dave would be aware he was coming across as way too friendly and stepping dangerously towards soliciting moirailegience. It was up to him to raise the antagonism levels then. Why did the finer points of guiding his relationships always fall on his shoulders? It would be nice if someone else could notice the little things for once.

 _Karkat: What are you on about? Are you laughing at me? I can just leave you know, I fucking MADE you, show some respect douchelord._

 _Dave: Wow, okay. Chill the hell out, I'm not stepping on your toes mr lord and saviour I just figured we should be at least a bit chummy if we've gotta talk so often._

 _Karkat: 'Chummy' is not a word I ever want used to describe myself, if I ever give you the impression that I do anything other than despise everything you and your race stands for then I give you permission to end my life._

Was that a bit too much? Was it coming across like he hated Dave too much now? This whole thing was a real headache, which incidentally was adding to the pre-existing mindspeak headache.

 _Dave: Alright maybe you should take a step back. This isn't doing anything to make me feel any better, you're the fucking captain of this ship and you're steering us into a massive iceberg._

 _Karkat: What?_

 _Dave: I didn't even get the chance to ask Leonardo DiCaprio to paint me like one of his French girls._

 _Karkat: Are you quoting that shitty movie about the old woman who is remembering a traumatic trip on a cruise ship that inevitably fucks up?_

 _Dave: Dude you've watched Titanic?_

Karkat took a moment to consider how to respond to this, but truth be told he had a considerable lack of friends recently despite the eleven other gods who lived near him. None of them wanted to watch crappy movies with him.

 _Karkat: I like movies._

 _Dave: Oh no way! Me too! Wait, like movies in what way? Cause I got an interest in cinematography - that base-level fake artistic talent irony. I like watching 'arty' movies and picking apart the symbolism and shit._

 _Karkat: Dave._

 _Dave: Most people have seen some entry-level mind fucks like Donnie Darko and on an even lower level Inception or something like that - what is it with us and Leo DiCaprio films today?_

 _Karkat: David._

 _Dave: Isn't he in basically everything? Like an all-seeing eye of cinema. Omnipresent throughout -_

 _Karkat: DAVE._

 _Dave: Huh?_

 _Karkat: Can you stop fucking talking-_

 _Dave: Thinking._

 _Karkat: THINKING for one second? You ran away with 'I like movies' like a fucking out of control spacecraft and crash landed on planet DiCaprio. Human Leonardo DiCaprio is probably something I do not want to talk about. In fact, he is definitely something I don't want to talk about._

 _Dave: Sorry dude. I got excited._

 _Karkat: I could tell, tone it down a bit, FUCK. I don't really get 'arty' movies._

 _Dave: Ah. What movies do you like? What kind of movies can a god even watch?_

 _Karkat: All of the movies. If I wanted to._

 _Dave: Do you want to?_

 _Karkat: Out of boredom I sort of have to._

 _Dave: That's shitty. I can give you some recommendations some time. My taste is impeccable._

 _Karkat: Sure._

 _Dave: Is that sarcasm? That's not nice Mr Vantas._

 _Karkat: Do not call me that. That's awkward and stupid and I decree it blasphemy._

 _Dave: You didn't answer me._

 _Karkat: What?_

 _Dave: What kind of movies do you like?_

Karkat fidgeted in his seat a bit, he didn't really want to tell Dave about his taste in films. Something about it felt embarrassing and heightened his anxious feeling. Swallowing thickly he squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. He was definitely red in the face by this point, just great.

 _Karkat: Studies in social conventions from different cultures._

 _Dave: Like informative non-fiction stuff? Titanic doesn't fall under that category._

 _Karkat: No, mostly, uh, okay I don't know why I would even care what you think but don't you dare fucking laugh at me._

 _Dave: Alright, I swear on my life etcetera etcetera._

 _Karkat: I like romance films._

There was a long pause, he was pretty sure Dave was suppressing laughter. He got his proof soon enough.

 _Dave: Eh, romance films?_

It was followed by a barely contained snigger.

 _Karkat: Oh fuck you! Goodbye, I'm out._

 _Dave: No! I'm sorry dude it was just so unexpected._

 _Karkat: Why?_

 _Dave: What, why was it unexpected?_

 _Karkat: Yes!_

 _Dave: That's a pretty good question actually. I guess in human culture there's an unwritten rule that romcoms are for girls and middle-aged women._

 _Karkat: That's a bad thing?_

 _Dave: Look at you with the philosophical minefield today. It shouldn't be a bad thing, but there's centuries of systematic mistreatment of certain categories of people that makes up the foundations of human culture and this is one of the symptoms of that mistreatment._

 _Karkat: That's stupid. If you're aware of it why don't you change it?_

 _Dave: I wish it was as easy as that._

 _Karkat: Sounds like you're talking from experience._

 _Dave: That's not information I'm comfortable with giving out to someone I just didn't-really-meet._

Karkat frowned, if anyone knew about mistreatment based on what you couldn't change it was him. His stupid blood colour was always going to be a source of antagonism - he guessed Dave was right. There were some things that even if you were aware of them were difficult to change.

He was vaguely aware of the sound of the transportilizer whirring to life. Great, time for the rest of the rabble to filter their way in to the lab.

"Hello, bitches!" So it was Vriska. Just what he needed. At least talking to Dave provided some distraction from her irritating manner of speech.

Karkat was aware of some back-and-forth comments between her, Eridan and Sollux - but his only thoughts on the situation were that he wished they would shut the fuck up so he could talk to the human better. He knew Vriska was taunting him, but nothing left an impression.

 _Dave: You've been a bit distracted the last couple minutes, you okay?_

 _Karkat: Yeah sorry it's busier here now, people trying to get my attention. Sorry, ASSHOLES trying to get my attention._

 _Dave: It's weird, I can kind of hear the other stuff. I guess when you focus on other people's voices you're thinking about it so I get to hear it too._

 _Karkat: Really? Huh._

He was thinking on how useful that skill could be when Terezi's hyper tone filtered in to the edge of his hearing.

"Well at least he smells delicious when he's embarrassed."

Vriska's irritating laugh followed. Karkat felt himself blush harder out of anger. Kanaya engaged in a bit of verbal fencing with her. Sollux's laughter was almost as irritating as Vriska's.

There was finally silence again while the trolls waited for the beginning of the ceremony. Aradia had been attempting to help him since his outburst about not wanting to move, but she allowed him some space eventually, for which he was grateful.

Vriska's claws tapping on the table were an affront to his earlobes.

"Hey, nubby horns!" he heard her shout from across the room. "I'm talking to you! Karkat! Don't ignore me."

His blood boiled and he couldn't help himself from responding. She was cutting into what was actually a pretty enjoyable interaction.

"I'm trying to have a fucking conversation here can you stop interrupting with your loud bitchy bullshit? Thanks."

 _Dave: Haha nice._

Dave's occasional positive responses were egging him on.

"A conversation? So now you've finally lost the last bit of your sanity."

This made him smile smugly, looking up at her despite his probably pathetic looking face.

"What, John hasn't spoken to you yet?" he asked, fully aware that she would hate the idea of him achieving something before her.

 _Dave: Oh snap!_

"What are you on about? Are you honestly expecting me to believe that you're talking to your idiot of a consort right now?"

 _Dave: Dude, whoever that is she sounds like a bitch. A real vapid hag, you know?_

"Mm I agree."

"What?"

"Oh, Dave just said you sound like a vapid hag."

Vriska lunged at him like a cat that had caught a mouse, but Kanaya stepped between them.

Everyone was yelling different things, taking sides, it was the most excitement they'd had in months.

* * *

Dave cringed, all of the voices were way too loud for him to deal with now. It hurt, and he clutched at the side of his head. Without trying to stop his horse he scrambled to put his glasses on as quickly as possible and sent out a last thought to end their conversation.

 _Dave: Sorry, I can't stay. Talk to me again?_

He hoped it didn't sound too needy or desperate. He'd been in a lot of pain and hadn't really focused on making himself coherent or together.

Taking deep, steadying breaths he prepared himself for what was to come and focused on reaching the temple.

* * *

The great stone building loomed overhead like a monument to the impossible. The cathedral of the Four's stained glass windows reflected the sunlight into a thousand tiny shards. Every single one of which felt like it was piercing Dave's skin.

A sea of people had gathered to witness this event, a day that was often once in more than a lifetime. Inaugurations were broadcast planet-wide, but people made the journey by weeks or months of road and sea travel just to be here. There was a decorative carpet of soft white fabric embroidered with gold and silver designs leading up to the entrance. Swallowing hard, Dave did what he had always done.

He tried to disconnect himself from what was taking place - he wasn't here, he was in a field sparring with Bro somewhere like always. If he thought about it hard enough he could almost feel the sun on his back and the breeze through the long grass tickling his skin. It was warm, it was familiar. However it _wasn't_ real. Here the sun beat down on his head and his face, it was sticky and uncomfortable and everything inside him screamed at him to run as far away as his legs could carry him. Ride until his horse collapsed and then use his own energy to take himself even further.

His breathing sped up and his heart rate shot through the roof with each yard he urged the horse on further up the pathway. People reached out as if to touch him would bring more happiness than anything else in their lives, he couldn't bring himself to reciprocate.

Almost there, almost, only a little further.

The sight of three others dressed in their planets' garb stood at the entrance was the only thing urging him on. He had to do it for them, no matter how large the world outside of his own personal bubble felt, no matter how numb his body was becoming.

Eventually he reached the foot of the building's great marble steps and dismounted. An aide took the horse from him and he joined the others in front of the ancient oaken doors, which any moment would be flung wide. The air smelled of gunpowder from fireworks and poppers and the crowd had become a single entity.

He was unable to interact with the others, but they all exchanged a look which said 'welcome home'. Dave felt terrible for being unable to think of it as such. A few minutes passed by for what felt like hours and a great voice boomed over the speakers.

"Good people of the church, today is a most glorious day!"

The crowd screamed their agreement, a woman in the front row clutched her baby to her chest and cried.

"Today we celebrate the inauguration of the Four and the coming of a new age of prosperity!"

The rest of the high priest's speech fell deaf on Dave's ears, and the world felt as if it were underwater. He moved where he was supposed to, they completed their procession into the cathedral itself, but it felt as if someone else was performing the tasks in his place. Like they had taken over his body because he wasn't able to deliver. He could scarcely remember the ornately painted ceiling depicting twelve planets and their associated symbols. The feeling of the high priest placing removing the garland of flowers around his head burned like fire, and one by one they were cleansed.

Jade first, smiling as she was bathed in the central pool, her makeup removed and her hair let down around her shoulders. Her Prospitian outfit soaked right through. Rose followed, face the picture of grace and composure. Dave hoped he looked at least half as confident. John was next, and Dave was beginning to hate that he had been left for last. Even his friend's limitless optimism was of no help to quell his anxiety. He wished things hadn't gotten so loud, and uttered every prayer he could remember in his head to call someone to speak to him and take his mind away from this place.

Stepping into the water he felt its sun-warmed heat seep through his trousers, sticking to his legs. He tried to ignore the desire to scream, seeing himself move as if through someone else's eyes. Hands worked on cleansing him of all the work that had been done to him that morning, and he felt every muscle in his body tense up as they reached for his shades.

 _Karkat: Dave!_

The sudden intrusion of Karkat's voice almost made him jump. He was so tightly wound he would have made a real scene.

 _Dave: Karkat! Oh dude, thank God - uh or thank you? What the fuck do I do?_

 _Karkat: I was trying to tell you about this, this morning. When you logged out on me._

 _Dave: That's all well and good but it's really not helping right now._

 _Okay! I get it! Calm the fuck down. You scared the shit out of us up here too._

 _Dave: Huh?_

 _Karkat: Prayers are like an express lane to our brains for anyone with a connection, everyone heard you begging loud and clear like it was being played on a speaker._

Dave swallowed thickly. Everyone. All of the twelve knew what a terrified baby he was about all of this. Shit. Shit.

 _Karkat: Kanaya basically yelled at me to speak to you, even though it hurt like a bitch. We kind of thought you were dying._

 _Dave: Well clearly I'm not! Are you done making me feel worse or is there some other part of me you want to take the piss out of? I can cut you off whenever I feel like it and right now maybe I'll just give up on this entire thing. Thanks for that. My heart is hammering like a builder on speed and you answer my BEGGING by telling me how much I fucked up by doing it!_

 _Karkat: Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Look I get it, I don't want to talk about why or how but I understand what you mean and I'm the biggest bulge munching douchelord to ever exist for making you feel worse. Just talk to me like earlier? Stuff won't get loud this time, I'm alone. Fucking finally._

 _Dave: Okay, alright, we can do this._

 _Karkat: You sort of already did._

The conversation had distracted Dave enough that the high priest had been able to remove his shades without a fuss and finish his task of washing away the makeup. Next he was lead to a side-room, where he would change into white robes. As all the others were expected to. He began instinctively clenching and unclenching his hands once he was alone in the room, his fingers itched to put something on his face, or to at least have his shades within his grasp, but he wouldn't get them back now until after everything was done.

 _Karkat: I'm sorry._

The thought startled him.

 _Dave: Sorry?_

 _Karkat: For treating it like it wasn't a big deal. Pretty hypocritical of me. Douchemaster supreme._

 _Dave: What the fuck are you talking about?_

 _Karkat: I'm the same. We're both the same and I was berating you for it._

 _Dave: Karkat, start making sense._

 _Karkat: You're red - they're red._

Dave's hand flew to the side of his face reflexively.

 _Dave: You can see me?_

 _Karkat: Yeah. Well I could. We all could. We're not watching you change obviously._

That was another thing he hadn't really wanted to hear today.

 _Karkat: I get it. Me too._

 _Dave: What do you mean you too? Wait._

He thought about what he'd learned about trolls and the hemospectrum and things made a little more sense.

 _Karkat: Yeah._

 _Dave: So, you really hate your blood colour that much?_

 _Karkat: Says the guy who won't show his face to anyone._

 _Dave: Touché. You know ALL humans are red blooded right?_

 _Karkat: Yeah, I know that. I guess I just didn't realise we had something physical in common. It's kind of comforting._

 _Dave: You know what? It is kind of comforting actually. Actually, really comforting._

 _Karkat: Why?_

 _Dave: I got eyes that look like a god's. That's got to earn me some points._

 _Karkat: They're… nice._

 _Dave: Nice? Bro are you hitting on me?_

 _Karkat: No! Fuck no. Like I said it's comforting. I can't really describe it but I don't think you should be so upset about it._

 _Dave: Easier said than done._

 _Karkat: I know. Every being in paradox space knows I know that. I'm trying to be helpful._

 _Dave: You are being all kinds of mad helpful dude. You're like the celestial version of the samaritans for emotionally damaged teenagers._

 _Karkat: I don't know what that is, but I appreciate it I guess?_

The door swung open and one of the many attendants gestured for Dave to follow her, it was time for them to return to the great hall and take their place on the thrones.

He followed her, eyes darting all over the place. Regardless of what Karkat said he still felt naked and vulnerable without his shades. It gave away too much of what he was thinking. Contrary to popular belief he had a pretty expressive face but most of it came from his eyes. John, Jade and Rose were already waiting for him once he was there, their hands linked. Jade and Rose each extended a hand to him and he took them both gingerly, feeling safe in the soft but firm hold they had on him. It rooted him to reality.

He smiled at them as best he could, and they returned it.

The high priest instructed them on their vows, which they had to recite together. A promise to protect the people, to truthfully represent the gods for humankind, to be ambassadors of peace and unity and to carry out their duties without fear of death or resistance. At this time, Dave felt like he was part of something too large to describe. His attention was mostly taken by studying the faces of his companions and marvelling at what it felt like to finally meet them in the flesh. Even if they would be separated soon after for their pilgrimages he felt like this moment would be seared into his memory in a way no force could remove.

It was with reluctance that he relinquished his grip on Jade and Rose, who seemed just as unhappy to let him and John go, and they were all seated in their thrones. Two of silver, two of gold. The high priest crowned them each, and presented them with their symbols. Each of them was required to carry one symbol for each member of their pantheon. Jade wore a necklace, a bracelet and an anklet, John a necklace and a bracelet on each wrist, Rose a pair of earrings, a necklace and a bracelet, and Dave was given a necklace, a bracelet and a ring. Each of these items were said to be gifts from the twelve to the original Four and had been passed down since the church's inception to find new owners today.

Dave resisted the urge to play with the items as an outlet for his nervous fidgeting and stared straight ahead. Several speeches followed but none left an impression. Karkat had stopped talking some time ago and without his presence Dave was forced to pay attention to what was happening - no matter how boring the content.

After what felt like an eternity of formalities they were allowed to leave to their separate rooms, their belongings were returned to them.

Jamming the shades onto his face faster than he knew he could move Dave sighed and allowed himself to sink down onto the cold floor. Today had been exhausting. If anyone wanted to talk to him they would have to message him online and wait for him to get back to them. Right now the feeling of the cool stone against the exposed parts of his skin was soothing and anchored him to reality. He laid like this until he absolutely had to move and then stayed there some more. Until someone was sent for him, and he had to join the others in another room. The corridors were as ornate as the rest of the cathedral, portraits of the previous priests lined this one, and Dave felt less and less inclined to do anything the further he got.

In the end his willpower depleted and he found the closest empty room to settle himself down in. He felt guilty for not seeing the others again before they all departed, but his eyes were heavy and his muscles protested every movement. He needed to sleep, but had no choice in when it would come.

That night was spent awake on a windowsill watching the sun descend in the sky as the world felt as if it was finally shrinking back to its appropriate size.


End file.
